Relevant and even prescient commentary on news, politics and the economy.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s SOTU Sour Expression Provokes Republican Response

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)

Andy Borowitz: “Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s facial expression during the State of the Union address came under continued attack from Republicans on Thursday, with the former House Speaker John Boehner joining the chorus of disapproval.

‘When I saw her with that pained expression on her face, I couldn’t believe my eyes,’ Boehner said. ‘It was like nothing I had ever seen before in my life.’

The former Speaker said that Ocasio-Cortez broke his ‘No. 1 rule’ of reacting to a State of the Union speech: ‘No matter what the President is saying, be sure to look cheerful and upbeat at all times.’

‘I didn’t always agree with what President Obama had to say over the years, but I always kept a smile on my face,’ he said. ‘I think if the congresswoman went back and looked at video of me and my fellow-Republicans during the Obama speeches, she could learn a lot about maintaining a non-stop happy facial expression.’” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

Actually Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s facial expressions reveals quite lucidly what many of us feel in listening to the garbage spewed forth by Trump and supported by Republicans with nary a word out of fear. AOC portrays what we feel . . . disgust.

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With Crumbling Bridges and Roads, the Nation is Excited to Build a Giant Wall

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) August 31, 2015: As America’s bridges, roads, and other infrastructure dangerously deteriorate from decades of neglect, there is a mounting sense of urgency that it is time to build a giant wall.

Across the U.S., whose rail system is a rickety antique plagued by deadly accidents, Americans are increasingly recognizing that building a wall with Mexico, and possibly another one with Canada, should be the country’s top priority.

Harland Dorrinson, the executive director of a Washington-based think tank called the Center for Responsible Immigration, believes that most Americans favor the building of border walls over extravagant pet projects like structurally sound freeway overpasses.

“The estimated cost of a border wall with Mexico is five billion dollars,” he said. “We could easily blow the same amount of money on infrastructure repairs and have nothing to show for it but functioning highways.”

Congress has dragged its feet on infrastructure spending in recent years, but Dorrinson senses growing support in Washington for building a giant border wall. “Even if for some reason we don’t get the Mexicans to pay for it, five billion is a steal,” he said.

While some think that America’s declining infrastructure is a national-security threat, Dorrinson strongly disagrees. “If immigrants somehow get over the wall, the condition of our bridges and roads will keep them from getting very far,” he said.

With Crumbling Bridges and Roads, the Nation is Excited to Build Giant Wall

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Cindy Hyde-Smith Says She Never Lost Faith in Mississippi

Some humor, sarcasm, and disappointment.

JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI (The Borowitz Report)—Celebrating her election victory on Tuesday night, U.S. Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith said that, despite predictions that her state was ready to turn the page on its shameful past, “I never lost faith in Mississippi’s racists.”

“For weeks, we’ve been hearing national pundits say that Mississippi was ready to enter the twenty-first century,” Hyde-Smith told a crowd of supporters at her victory rally. “Tonight, with your help, we proved them wrong.”

Hyde-Smith said that, despite the media’s unearthing of a cavalcade of embarrassing comments and actions from her past, “I never doubted that, at the end of the day, the people of Mississippi would listen to the racist voices in their heads.”

Choking back tears, Hyde-Smith thanked her supporters for honoring Mississippi’s storied heritage of hatred and cruelty.

“Mississippi voters do not want to tear down the relics of our Confederate past,” she said. “As such a relic, I am eternally grateful.”

Exit polls showed that Hyde-Smith performed extremely well with voters who described themselves as bigots, and dominated among those who could not correctly spell “Mississippi.”

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Senator Jeff Flake Says He Will Vote to Confirm

As he retires from being a Senator; he has made many noises about being opposed to many things Trump has done as President. Except that is all it was, no action and just noise.

“In an announcement that many saw coming, Senator Jeff Flake, of Arizona, announced on Friday that he would retire from humanity, effective immediately.

Speaking to reporters at the Capitol, Flake said that the demands of being a human being had ‘taken their toll,’ and that it was time to move on.

‘Having empathy and compassion for other human beings has been a thoroughly draining experience,’ he said. ‘I for one am ready for something new.’

Flake said that, before making his decision, he consulted with others who had retired from humanity years earlier, such as Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, and Donald Trump.

‘They all fully supported my decision,’ he said. ‘It’s great to be one of them now.'” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker.

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