Denmark Offers to Buy the US
Andy Borowitz, The Borowitz Report, COPENHAGEN: After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.
“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”
“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.
A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.
If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.
I propose a straight-up trade – Alabama for Greenland.
We would be screwing the Danes.
“I propose a straight-up trade – Alabama for Greenland.”
Your other nick isn’t “Hillary” by any chance?
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Given that the recent rightward lurch of Denmark’s politics reflects a souring of attitudes toward globalism like basically every other Western nation, this obvious satirical gesture may not ever want to get confused with reality (certainly not in the way Snopes is breathlessly “debunking” the satirical website Babylon Bee). And, thanks to the rightward lurch, even a social democratic paradise like Denmark is now assuming a rigid anti-immigrant stance, because–get this–letting in huge numbers of the Global South makes it hard for them to maintain their excellent welfare state. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/neaq87/denmarks-elections-show-how-much-europe-is-normalizing-anti-immigrant-politics
Bearing this in mind, I too can’t imagine Denmark would see the acquisition of the United States as a great return on their investment. We let in lots and LOTS of immigrants and thus have lots of poor people; it would positively bankrupt the social services system of this serene Nordic nation of 5.8M people.
In the meantime, it’s always interesting hearing progressives make sniggering comments about the American South. Yes, Alabama is a fairly poor state, and much of that poverty is nonwhite persons. I though progressives were interested in helping poor POCs? Very confusing.
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“If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you.”
I kind of prefer using the word “snickering” rather than sniggering.
Lets assume Tom would offer up Alabama which he did not. I doubt Tom had any intention (if this intention were true) of handing over the poor and the nonwhite (as you labeled them) to Denmark as they are purposely under utilized capacity purposely kept in place by Alabama laws and actions meant to purposely deny them the ability to have an equal say in Alabama’s government and to purposely hinder their pursuit of happiness with the capability of moving up the ladder of mobility (Hertz 2006, Understanding Mobility in America). Indeed, I believe Tom was thinking (if he thinking of the swap) more about Roy Moore (who could not ride a horse to save his life) and his merry band of followers going with the Alabama swap for Greenland. Not all of Alabama is poor.
Would Denmark do well by purchasing the US? 5% of the US land mass in the US is being utilized (Garreau, “300 Million and Counting”) and inhabited. They could spread out. As far as immigrants coming to the US. We have more than enough money and space to handle the influx. We just have to cancel a few tax breaks benefiting corporations, the 1 percenters, etc. Cut a couple of $hundred billion out of the defense fund and we could do quite well even with an influx of different people who are not the same as us.
Alabama and the South can be fixed. It just takes politicians with character . . . which we are far lacking today.