Green Jokes (and a small rant)

Back in the day, I remember a wide array of jokes that played on the alleged stupidity of either Aggies or Polish people. I suppose that the times have changed enough that such jokes are no longer fashionable in polite company. But there’s a viable alternative for those of you in need of a group of actual buffoons that you can mock without fear of denigrating any racial, ethnic, gender, or alumni group: The Green Party.

Lest you think I overstate the case, take a look at this press release announcing the Greens’ intention to run a presidential candidate next year. Or witness the formation of this circular firing squad:

Both [Green Party meetings] were closed to the news media. But participants said the discussions came to at least a symbolic close when they were asked to stand in different parts of the room depending on how they felt about the presidential race.

Those who wanted a presidential candidate who would run the strongest possible campaign were asked to stand in one area. Those who wanted someone who would run only in areas where electoral votes would not be pulled from the Democratic presidential candidate stood in another. Those who wanted to skip the race altogether and, instead, support the Democratic candidate stood in yet another.

The unusual exercise was intended to help participants visualize where the highly decentralized and often fractious party stood, literally and figuratively, on the issue.

Guess which zone had the most Greenies? As I recall, there are actually some good things on the Green platform, though I’m too annoyed right now to dig up or cite any. But the “Republicans and Democrats are the same” B.S. that the diehard Greens still spew is now thoroughly discredited–go tell it to, e.g., thousands of dead Iraqis, families of dead American soldiers, or the millions of newly unemployed. Running a candidate in 2004 will only highlight how wrong the Greens are on this point; the terrible results of the candidate they run will only underscore the ineffectiveness of the current Green Party strategy. Yet still, .2%-1% of the vote could swing a tight state and thus the 2004 election, which explains my anger rather than usual amusement with the Greens.

If you know any Greens and you live in a contested state, I encourage you to spend a good chunk of the next 1.5 years tossing them the front page and asking them, “Happy now?”

Back to the issue at hand, making Greens the politically correct butt of jokes, I offer you this from Ted Barlow’s Lightbulb Joke Warehouse (scroll down):

Q: How many Green party voters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Dude, we shouldn’t have to change light bulbs. GE has this secret lab in Costa Rica, and they made a light bulb out of hemp that totally lasts forever.

Add yours in my underused comments.


P.S. Sometimes the jokes write themselves. Prospective presidential nominee Carol Miller of New Mexico (a close Gore-win in 2000) said, “I think Bush and Cheney are probably not going to run [in 2004]. There are very troubling accusations [about Iraq].” She then finished smoking her hemp sandals and proceeded outside to wait for Leon Trotsky, Abbie Hoffman, and St. Francis of Assisi to give her a ride home in their hydrogen-powered solar eco-carriage.

P.P.S. In fairness to some Greens, see (and their Ten Reasons Why Bush is So Bad).