The Mountain Might Get ’em, but the Law Never Will

There’s more to the story of the Texas Democratic Senators leaving the state than meets the eye–or, at the least, some interesting details–according to this amusing account of the Democrats’ getaway plan, Operation Town Lake:

Planning [for a getaway] picked up two weeks ago, when Republican Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst said he would suspend a key Senate rule to muscle through a redistricting plan if Mr. Perry called a second special session.

Changing old rules in midstream in order to change districts midstream, Dewhurst was clearly taking a page from Orrin Hatch’s book.

[ed–if possible, you should read the remainder of this tale in the voice of the narrarator from the Dukes of Hazzard].

…Now the GOP had set a trap for the Boys, but they were on to Ole Boss Rick Perry (R-Texas) and his sheriff, David “Rosco P.” Dewhurst (R-Texas). See, the Republicans planned to capture ’em with a surprise second session, but Miss Leticia Van de Putte (D-San Antonio) was lookin’ out for the boys:

“I had a bad feeling all weekend. Call it a mother’s intuition. … On Sunday I told everyone to pack as if they were leaving for a couple of days.”

Come Monday, they had to skedaddle. They had to find a place to lay low, somewhere as they could get some help, some vittles, and a good doc for their ailin’ friend, Eddie Lucio (D-Brownsville). And they knew right where to go, Boss Richardson’s. See, Bill Richardson (D-New Mexico) and Boss Perry had been feudin’ since before John Whitmire (D-Houston) was born. Bill always said Boss Perry smelled like a polecat and was twice as ugly. Yep, if they could git to Richardson’s place, they’d be all right.

Thing was, Boss Richardson’s place was 800 miles away. The boys knew Boss Perry’s men would be watchin’ every stretch of open road from Austin to Abilene an’ in between. Miss Leticia and the Boys were in a mess o’ trouble.

One thing Boss Perry hadn’t reckoned on was Uncle Juan “Jesse” Hinojosa (D-McAllen) catchin’ wind o’ his plan. Juan’d been shootin’ the breeze down at The Boar’s Nest where it seems a few o’ the bosses men couldn’t take more ‘an a thimble full of whiskey ‘fore they started yappin’ about Boss Perry’s new plan. Quicker ‘an you can say fried okra, Uncle Juan rounded up two jet planes, grabbed Letecia and the Boys, and high-tailed it to Boss Richardson’s place, clear across the border (click here). But they weren’t out of the woods yet. No sir. Come to find, Mario Gallegos (D-Houston) was plum outa clean drawers(*). Worse still, round about supper time came word that Boss Perry’d put a price on their heads(**).

Stay Tuned.


(*) True detail from the Dallas Morning News story.

(**) Sadly, also true. Richardson gave the 11 Democrats protection, though: “At least three uniformed and plainclothes New Mexico state police officers are watching the lawmakers wherever they go.”

UPDATE: Who knew? Apparently the Dukes of Hazzard narrarator was none other than Waylon Jennings (via Charles Kuffner, who has more info on the latest Texas antics here).