More on the Poll

I mentioned before that I am apparently listed somewhere as a Republican, causing GOP Chairman Marc Racicot to send me a letter. I asked my readers if I should fill it out with far-right (to pull the GOP further from the center) or far-left answers (to confuse them). Upon reflection and inspection, I don’t think it matters. The “poll” does not have many questions that the GOP doesn’t already know the answers that registered Republicans will give.

Instead, the poll seems designed to make people think these are potential issues to the GOP, drumming up a little bit of fear–fear that the Republicans will move left, but more importantly, fear that the things that the Democrats would implement the policies that the pollees clearly oppose. This fear likely encourages the polled Republicans to send the poll back to the GOP, which I suspect dramatically increases the odds of the pollee sending a check at the same time. Rather clever, actually.

Here are some examples, with a little Fisking (full poll here):

1.1. Do you support President Bush’s initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?
No, I’m sure 95% of Republicans polled are, like me, solidly against promoting safety or security, much less both.

2.3 Should small businesses be encouraged to grow and hire more workers?
No, this should be opposed at all costs.

3.1 Do you support President Bush’s plan to make our schools more accountable to parents and to restore local control of education?
Schools accountable to parents? Nonsense!

3.2 Should students, teachers, principals and administrators be held to higher standards?
No, standards must be reduced as far as possible.

3.3 Do you agree that teaching our children to read and increasing literacy rates should be a national priority?
No, if they can read, they’ll get an education and then be much more likely to vote Democratic.

5.1 Do you think U.S. troops should have to serve under United Nations’ commanders?
Yes, this will lead directly to a One World Government, hastening the Apocalypse, and then the Rapture.

5.2 Do you think that the U.S. should modernize our national defense to meet the challenges of the 21st century?
No. Our air power is overused, we need more trench warfare.

6.1 Do you support the election of Republican candidates across the country and rebuilding our majorities over the next ten years?
I think this is the definition of a Republican.

And now for my favorite part of the poll:

6.3 Will you join the Republican National Committee by making a contribution today?

Yes, I support the RNC and am enclosing my most generious contribution of: $______

Yes, I support the RNC, but I am unable to participate at this time. However, I have enclosed $11 to cover the cost of tabulating my survey.

No, I favor electing liberal Democrats over the next ten years.

That’s a nice dichotomy: give money now or you’re in favor of electing liberal Democrats. It needs a nice picture juxtaposing Tom Daschle and Saddam Hussein, though.