OldVet: Punxsutawney Phil Prognosticates

This one is by OldVet..

”Punxsutawney Phil” comes up for a smoke break and prognostications for 2008

In a wide ranging interview with “Rodentia” magazine, America’s champion soothsayer took a break from his official job of being manhandled by fat white men in tall Beaver hats to give us his outlook for 2008.

Rodentia: Phil, what are people in for this year in politics leading up to November’s election?

Phil: McCain will make you think you’re soon dead with or without his protection. Obama will make you think you can’t live without him. Hillary will make you think life’s too complicated to live. Romney will make you wish you’d taken that Watchtower and bought that used car so he’d go away. Edwards will make think you should have Hell’s Angels with you for the struggle ahead. Huckabee will campaign with the Baby Jesus perched on his shoulder and a guitar in his hand and make you want to dance your troubles away. Ron Paul will be the only really gloomy candidate and make you think you’re debased.

Rodentia: Who’s right on the future of the economy?

Phil: Rich people, especially Jim Rogers who read the cards a year and a half ago and ”George Soros” who’s been warning of the massive credit expansion of recent years leading to excess and painful corrections.

Rodentia: Who’s going to pay the price for corporate America and Wall Street’s excesses?

Phil: The usual suspects. The non-gamblers, the cautious borrowers. The humble, the savers, the old with fixed incomes, the sick, and rodents everywhere. Grandma Millie can’t live on her interest income and is going back to work at Walmart. Scraps are going to stop falling off the American table which is famine for my people. It’s looking grim out there.

Rodentia: What are you personally going to do in 2008, given your visions of the future?

Phil: First I’m calling a conference with my ”cousins from Brazil” to make a survival plan, with the help of Mowgli. Then I’m heading for Paris.

Rodentia: Paris? Retiring already?

Phil: (laughs, gnaws a paw and spits) No, actually with my bonus from the retards here in Pennsylvania, I’m going to take a partnership in a fine restaurant in Paris 14e. I got inspired by a magnificent film called ”Ratatouille”. I contacted Remy and we’re going in business. Just don’t rat me out before I can pack my bags and get off this sinking American ship!

This one was by OldVet.