OldVet and the View From France

This one is by OldVet…

“Mes Amis, you are in the merde, and Pere Noel isn’t coming down the cheminee,” says the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey.

My friend, incognito somewhere in France , admits that France has some of the same old problems it had in 2005 as related in this story and that it’s going to be a big job sorting them out. He thinks France has an energetic new leadership and few pretensions about the state of its own economy.

The pesky tree hugger points out that American critics may have a lot more to worry about at Noel than they know.

1. Newest among the aggravations for Americans is crony capitalism in which the FEHB in Atlanta is bailing out Countrywide Financial. You’ll remember Countrywide as the largest originator of mortgages in the US . Perhaps we should rename it Holy Halliburton for the ungodly sums funneled to it under the imprimatur of the United States sort-of-government guarantee. My response to Monsieur CESM was that at least we did the graft and bailout without fanfare, unlike in his beloved France where every citizen has pretensions to “rights” when he hits the streets. And anyway, what’s a $51 billion subsidy?- peanuts. Sorry, Monsieur CESM, no offense by that last remark!

2. Americans are too fat to fly comfortably and cannot even get to Europe , assuming they had the money left over from Black Friday to buy a ticket. I said this set of allegations was probably made up by some fur-iner of Napoleonic dimensions. I was about to take personal umbrage when he reminded me of my own support, very active support, of Freedom Fries during another critical period of our recent history. While my waistline agreed with Monsieur CESM, I proudly announced that I had saved all my career and had almost enough to visit Little Vet, la fille, in Paris one day. Unless the dollar falls some more.

3. Monsieur CESM had so much more to say, but allow me to summarize: After Christmas we’ll be sleeping under a bridge due to rising mortgage defaults, with little or no health insurance, and no philosophy.

No philosophy? This is the unkindest cut of all, and I demanded an explanation. He preened his fur and said all we had was “The dumbing-down of America by a never ending tirade of totally discredited 18th & 19th Century neo-con philosophical concepts regarding the human condition that have been repackaged to appeal to the “we’ve-got-the- pipeline-to-truth”, sophomoric, non-thinking portion of the population.”

“I’m an AMERICAN MAN”, I shouted into the telephone, “and at least I’m human!” Whatever he replied, my former friend Monsieur CESM’s words were lost. I couldn’t afford to pay my cellphone bill last month.

This one was by OldVet, who will be getting in trouble for using one of them new-fangled terms like “holidays” instead of Christmas like Bill O’Reilly.